Twist and turn


Am I wide awake or is it just an illusion? It’s the middle of the night! I grab my phone and look at the time. It’s 3:02 AM. It’s getting pretty late. I feel like the sunrise is getting closer and closer, but I’m getting as far away as possible from getting a good night’s sleep. I never realised how hot a room can get, actually. Now that I think about this, well, this must be how inside an oven must feel like. Not cool.

I flip my pillow. Much better now. Thousands of thoughts cross through my mind right now. I’m not sure if seconds have passed, or minutes. Or is it hours? Is it tomorrow yet? I can’t believe that this is IT: the love of my life sits next to me. Is it forever? Am I going to screw this up too? Am I destined to be happy forever? I had this dream before. OK, let’s put some order into those thoughts:


White shoes, white dress, white veil, with a white bouquet of lilies in my hands. I do the slow walk on the red carpet. Everybody is smiling at me. I feel the warmth of their happiness for me. But I don’t know any of them. This is not how I planned it. I’ve been walking on this road for so long, and I just can’t seem to get anywhere. Suddenly, I am left alone.

It really is hot in here. I flip the pillow again. Apparently it didn’t have enough time to get cold. I flip it again. And again. And again. I stretch my legs hoping that I would reach a cold side of the bed. It’s like inside a volcano here. 


Remember what it feels like to have something to do? A reason to get up early in the morning in a bad mood, banging your head on all the furniture from the sleepiness in my head. Somehow I managed to wake up every morning, brush my teeth, put some decent clothes on (although they didn’t match every time), take the bus, change the bus, or the subway, and then I walk, walk, walk. I sit at a desk, I do my job, I walk back to the subway, or grab a bus, I get home, grab a bite, take a quick shower and go back to sleep. And the next day I do it all again. Nothing changes. It is all the same. Oh, but wait, it did change.

The fridge is making weird noises. It stopped. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Missi- and here it goes back on. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, Three Mississippi, Four Mississippi, Five -. And it stopped again. That can’t be right… right? 


They say that everything happens for a reason. Which makes me question myself: why did I let my phone in service? What if I never see it again? Oh my, I really miss my smartphone.

Damn! A mosquito just buzzed in my year. And now it’s haunting my body. I’m going to kill it. It’s on my head, I’m just going to slap it! And I just slapped myself. I still hear it orbiting around my body. And his. Well that’s just not cool! 


Why is high school so far away? I don’t remember much from that time. I feel so old. It’s like I have amnesia. But I do have a few flashbacks, those must count for something, don’t they?

Is this the real life? Is it just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality! Well, that must have been a fun time to live in. I would be a great singer! Or maybe not. Probably my not so good voice would be an impediment. Now they have auto tune. So what if? It’s not like I would like to sing.


This is a tricky one. First year of university. Today was a really tiring day. I got home from classes and went straight to bed. I can’t remember exactly what was I dreaming about… Someone else is in the room. I hear voices. One of my room-mates is back. And she is not alone. I don’t recognize any of those voices.

“… yeah I’m from (insert same city as the one I live in)” said boy#1.

“So, which one of you is from (insert same city here) again?” I said as I rose and shined from under my warm blanket.

“I am”.

“Too bad. I was hoping the cute other one is” I thought as I was watching them trying to cool down from the scare I gave them.

Boy meets girl, girl meets boy. Girl falls in love with boy and boy falls in love with girl. But that is another story, for another time to be told. 

It’s so hot in here, I’ll never get a chance to sleep. God, it feels like I’ve been awake for hours! I better check the time, so I know how much I have left to sleep. It’s 3:07 AM. That’s it?! Just 5 minutes? How can it be possible? It just changed to 3:08 AM. That’s more like it. My loved one is in a deep sleep. No matter how hot it gets in here, I will always feel better in his arms. The warmth and safety that his arms provide me are the best way of putting me to sleep. I love him. I really do. ☺

I was sent here for you, we were made to love, we were made to love… I should really consider a singing career. 

Falling in love &co.

Love can be a myth for some, a nightmare for others and somewhere in between, a reason for happiness. Although I used to be part of those who couldn’t understand the real meaning for this controversial word, love, things have changed and along with that so did my feelings.

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I always lived under the impression that the mystery of love was one to never talk about, there are some days that make me simply wonder the magic that lies underneath its meaning. You don’t need a dictionary to define it. Pictures won’t do it justice, nor will music. The only thing that can begin to describe it lies inside one’s heart. Mine tells me that this is it and that I must protect it with my most powerful weapons: trust and faith.

Past-me would give a more dictionary like description if asked what love is. But I guarantee this: the right person can conquer one’s heart and also put a sparkle in one’s eyes that gives away the feeling.

I am in love. It’s a sentence that has lost its meaning along the years. But some of us still try to bring it justice. 🙂

Movin in with the one you love



There is no such thing as “the right time” to move in with someone. If you plan on doing this, you better brace yourself, because life is about to happen.

There are many ways to explain what happens/what should happen (pros and cons lists, before and after situations etc.) I believe giving someone a real experience story is the best way.

I decided to stay in the same city during summer and to look for a job. Things aren’t that easy living in the capital during summer. Not everybody affords spending that much money on rent in a big city. So I made my boyfriend an offer that he was not afraid to refuse: living together so we could split the bill. He was not excited about this as I was, believe me. Although we spend 99% of the time together, moving in means more than just sleeping over. Of course, you do all the same things you used to, only this time you don’t keep your clothes in a backpack, you ask for your own drawer; you don’t go at your place to take a shower, you do it there (sometimes together); somehow you are not ashamed any more of doing things that you normally did when you were alone. And every little thing affects your relationship. Especially if we’re talking about a one bedroom place.

But after having my boyfriend seeing only the bad in this situation, I started looking for the good side. And I made a list:

  • I love waking up next to the man I love every morning.
  • I love making love with him whenever I want, or just to tease him.
  • I love cooking for him and not having to wait for him to get to my place to eat.
  • I love showering together.
  • I love not having enough space in bed in the hot nights.
  • I love the way he wakes me up everytime he snores.
  • I love how he gave me a full closet to put my stuff into.
  • But most of all, I love just being around him all the time, kissing him goodnight and sleeping happily in his arms all night. It’s like he’s protecting my dreams. My guardian angel.